| Scottishdruggiehaggisfriedmarsbarland |
[Sep. 1st, 2006|01:12 pm] |
Great Peepholes,
So you may be asking what has now become of Fernando since my return to this UK?
I will tell you, but please expect to be saddened and lifted by this my story....
The ship i was on docked at Glasgow, i spent the first few weeks of my time here in the bumholes of glasgow at clyde. After some of the time went by i happened by all that is fortunately and unlikely to meet my friend ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) sk8agrrl who had introvertedly wandered into the bumholes by the mistake. And so began the romance that will last with me until the day i am drunk again. sk8agrrl and i dreamed the dreams that only lovers may dream, it was beautiful she really knew how to suck a good chicken.
But you may say surely our fernando is no lesbiansridger? Surely he knows when to put the cork in? And this is true, in love with central heating and generous attitude to orifical care it had to end, we were wrong for each other she is the girl, i am the girl. So i did the honourable thing and after on last pleaseing night in her arms I slipped away unnoticed with her credit card and car keys.
And headed south, long and far away from Scottishdruggiehaggisfriedmarsbarland as is possible. |
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| Conspiricy! |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|02:33 am] |
| You Are 100% Gentleman |
 No doubt about it, you are a total gentleman. You please the pickiest ladies, and you make everyone in a room feel comfortable. |
Are You A Gentleman?again i see this conspiracy! The vile testing machines in which they say i the main! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|01:06 am] |
My very dear and many Peepholes, it is a number of years since i last spoke to you. My coming was very great aided by the hand of bia22 whose exertations were most welcome - bia22 i thank you and your for your frustrations. I am aware that the situation was very sticky and am sure you wish to wash your hands of the mess that i have brought upon you.
As you know well now i hade been made the chair of the Union of Bogata Bank, unfortuantely and i must say by some accident i was found in a compromising position (the unlikely details of which i may not describe without great hurt to my anus) and had to quickly ejaculate myself from Bogota. As for Ramon the IT consulate (for i know you will be considering him for yourselves) he has now found himself as the deputy minister for insular affairs of the Union of Bogata. For me he was not able to help and for that i am very angry with him.
So there was i exhausted from my hurried ejaculation from bogota, i had stolen myself onboard a ship heading toward Alaska where i found myself yet again serving the pleasures of the crew in the galley. It facility in which i was easily able to accomodate thanking to my experiences with similar seamen. The days were long and cruel and cold and the seam were very roughly about their faces. It has been for these last two years that i have been away and i have lost all of the fortunes i made in Bogata and now come to you smelling of stale fish but as ever happy to see you.
And now i am glad to be with you, i wonder where you all are dita_dolly are you still in the PVC? shadow_blue i wonder what is becoming of you? sk8agrrl are you still having the smelly dreads? lesbiansridge are you still a bum lover? (if so im sorry the pills didnt help) and martinpaling you who so often refused me despite my willing to give you all that is me - are you still here? |
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| Waxing Lyrical |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|11:39 pm] |
The means of my egress were very exciting I exported myself on a ship called "El Cojones" leaving southampton and travelling to Bogota docks, I stole away on the ships hold with the help of the IT consulate Ramon. I hid amongst crates filled with spam, silk stockings and a crate full of DVD's which appeared to be educational films concerning the alarming popularity of lesbianism amongst the ranks of Britain's nurses, the problem is so big that indeed there is a "Lesbian Nurses Caught ON Camera" 1 2 3 4 and 5.
As you can imagine the voyage was incredibly taxing upon me, especially as halfway through it I was caught by the Boson and forced to work in the ships gallery serving the pleasure of the ships company, the seamen often came up in the galley to rifle through my cake tins.
but please my peoples do not fret Fernando is as sturdy as ever and i took to this voyage well, the news of my egress from the clutches of Dr. Mr. James and the pyschoepilectic nurse mr Benjamin Dover had reached the radio and televisual news, but an error in describing me ("an escaped lunatic dressed in a red dress" - the dress is scarlet anyone can be seeing this) meant that my passage remained un-noticed, for me this was good news as a detailed examination of my passage would have indeed made my egress tight.
After docking in Bogota, i met Lorenzo, Ramons uncle or cousin - the details are very uninteresting. At first he was hiding me in a local house inhabited by women of varied states of dress which i was too soo learn was the local courtesan house. Lorenzo had promised that after time that I could apply for a job in the Union Bank Of Bagota provided i earnt enough money to purchase a fake identity card as required by Bogotanian law.
After trying my hand at a wide range of tasks i found that i was most happy and skillful in the courtesan house polishing the gentlemans shoes, very soon i was told that my ability to wax there hard leather brogues was equalled by none.
So now here I am in my office sitiing in this very chair as the Manager of overseas accounts on one of the few computers in the whole of Bogota to have a working interweb connection - my luck is indeed that of a nymphomaniac in a gentlemans lockeroom.
Tomorrow when i am not handling some important matters I may post and tell you how i went from a lowly position of a shoe waxer to "Madame Fernando" propritor of Bogotas only celibate whore-house and from there to my position at the Union Of Bogota Bank |
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| The backroom boys of the union bank of bogota |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|08:16 pm] |
My very many peoples,
it is with some little sadness that i have been otherwise unable to communicate with you as my present circumsison has placed me in bogota after a rather unpleasent egress from the great england.
My leaving was partly the blame of Cameron who with her humping justin had become a drag, and that the Dr. Mr. James had become so besotted with my lack of presence and inabilty to convince him that i would be disposed to a lengthy operation of the dingleberries that I had to leave when it was known that they required my being in his care, which while not an un-pleasent thought as Dr. Mr. James has been very popular for giving the smiles.
So here I am in Bogota famous for its bogs and the Union Bank of Bogota where I have presently found myslef on the reccomendation of the IT consulate Ramon whos brother Lorenzo is working keeping the backroom boys very much under his eye. Here I am now the new "Manager Of Over-Sea accounts" (of which more i will later post)
My secondly reason for being here is that in Bogota their is a Physician renowned for his experience of tinkering with genders, i have an appointment with him in two weeks at a local cafe and am very much hopeful that he can indeed address my needs.
In the meantime I find myself wanting and sweating in the office with the occasional unexpected ingress from Lorenzo who i have to admit has a very dubious manner |
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| fill her up |
[Sep. 12th, 2004|04:59 pm] |
So this friday i get a call from my Uncle Hungaria, his son Federico has been very ill with the farting of the anus and rumbling stomachs. So Uncle H is short of staff at his garage, which is especially bad at the weekend as he has many many customers.
As a good relation i agreed to help out on reception for the meeting greeting and welcoming of customers. My knowlege of the internal combustion engine is very limited, though Federico did show me his universal crank shaft once. Anyway i wil not bore you with the pathetic banter of the mechanics who all seemed only too busy bragging about their toolboxes.
anyway there i was saturday, all hot and botherd trying to understand the paperworks and reciepts, a very boring day lunch was at the local pub the "torn stockings" i had scampi and chips.
Sunday however (today) was indeed a very different story, here i was sitting working, answering the phone dealing with grubby mechanics and filling the coffee machine when who should come in the door? all bronzed, slim and toned, with a beautiful head of hair..................but Ramon, my IT consulate! well i was temporarily stiffened, stuck to the spot.
He walked up tome and said
"can you handle a broken exhaust pipe"
Well given the chance id like to get loose on Ramons pipes myself, but what is this? did he not recognise me? NO!!! well i was bitterly dissapointed!
well he is coming back in 30mins to pick up his car (a silly little italian thing) well i must be off and prepare and get ready his reciepts
i will be gone now |
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| Menage a Trois |
[Sep. 8th, 2004|02:19 pm] |
Hello to you all!
At this very moment i am sitting at my desk, trying not to lose myself in the paperwork that i have to work myself through.
Let me fill you in on the time in which you have not been seeing my entry, I am aware that many of you have wondered what had happened to my entries, at one time i was having many many entries, a profusion of them, in fact making so many random entries was very tiring for me.
I have been tired of late, i have had many sessions with the Dr. Mr James and my pyschoprolatic community nurse Benjamin Dover, both of them going at me at the same time. The Dr. Mr James is a very kind gentle man with the popping of a smile the Benjamin Dover however is a pain in my ass. He is still angry that Cameron will not talk to him. They have asked me to go into a hospital while Cameron and the chav scum justin finalise there wedding arrangements and have incredeibly loud sexual intercourse, they say it will be respite for me.
I am not so sure.
In the meaning time i have been pleasuring myself and have quite often come out. Only last week i spent many a night dancing the night away with my friend Bia22, she is a lovely girl tho a little confused and i have had on many occasions to tell her i will not be bedding her as is her desire.
Anyway i have many paper to rummage through and will hope to post again soon |
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| The BBQ |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|12:51 am] |
Hello my very many ppls, i am awares as im sure you all are that i have not posted for some many days, I know from the emails i have received in particular the often erotic and often pornographic ones from lesbiansridge and missglam and dreamer512 that i have been missed greatly by you all.
This i can understand as i am a very popular person and everywhere i go i often recieve stares of such immense adoration that it fills me with the joy of a happy person.
well so today has been warm and i was out in the garden sunbathing topless to avoid the howls of orgasmic pleasure from Cameron and the chav scum justin.
Anyway there i was sunbathing my white bits when the next door garden was full of noise and commotion.
I stood to see what was going on when i spied Wakaer my neighbour and his friends preparing a BBQ. Now Wakaer is a very much a man of testosterone, and once he spied me frowning he suprising invited me over for "a few bevvys"
well apart from my shock at being topless (it didnt seem to bother Wakaer) i decided to go over.
and have only now returned, all the boys were very much complementing me on my powderblue summer dress and sandals, and telling me that my hair was a cascade of heavenly silk.
Anyway i was very drunk and thinsg became very carried away with a game they called "sardines"
having returned the howls of orgasmic pleasure have still not ceased.
Which reminds me i would like to welcome my new LJ friend dita_dolly |
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| Dirty Knickers |
[Aug. 20th, 2004|04:29 pm] |
Hello my favourite peoples,
yes here again i am in my office with the rest of the rat race in my 9-5 hell of testoterone suits and mundanity looking over some papers that bore me to death.
i sigh an dwonder what is this all about, though tonight i must confront Cameron about the chav scum justin. I will not allow him to mov einto my house wheter they are married or not!
well the true reason for this post is to introduce you to my new LJ community "dirty knickers"
i do hope all my friends will join me there!
Dirty Knickers! |
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| Fernando for he is a noble person |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|01:38 am] |
hello my devoted followers of fashio, tonight out of desperation and irritation of the orgasmic yelpings of the chav scum justin and Cameron i have found myself creating quizes.
i would be very happy if you would try it out!
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|05:51 pm] |
Oh so where have i been, these last few days when i have not been posting have been crazy, first on friday i go out with my friend alex and get blindingly drunk because i am so confused about Cameron, i confronted her about the chav scum justins proposal and she tells me she knows nothing about it.
Later on she tells me it is true and that they want to marry but require my permission as she has no father. This is maybe suprising but i think it over and then she tells me that the chav scum justin will be moving into MY house MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!
i was hoping that Cameron mightg finally move out and i would be rid of her, knickers, her toe nail clippings and pads with wings.
THE CHAV SCUM IN MY HOUSE with his prattaling, screeching and farting.
So yes i get drunk and wake in a strange bed, next to a huge tub of lard of a man who is being handcuffed head and foot to the bedstead.
Well these things happen.
His lardyness and rippling of the flab as he breathes in and out has woken me.
i get out of the bed find my knickers and look for my bag in which i find a wad of £20 notes! what is going on, has this lardy arse taken advantage of me in my drunken state?
Anyway as tempted as i am by the money Fernando is no whore and i find his briefcase (a red leather one) and open it intending to place inside the whore-money and my eye is taken by some papers "Top Secret - For The Attention Of Mr Pressedcock Only" inside is all figures and numbers and something about a plan to decieve the world into believing that some middle eastern country has something called WMD.
Well it is all nothing to me, i put in the money and leave.
Now i have to confront Cameron again and protest that i do not want the wailing chav scum justin living in my house, farting into my air, rummaging through my icebox, and exuding his testosterone at every moment. |
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